The Last Goodbye

Today is the last English class we will all have in high school together and I am glad I am spending it with the wonderful friends we have grown up with our whole lives, friends that started freshman year with us, and even the friends we have recently added in our senior year. Graduation is a very bittersweet topic for all of us. Even if you don't like to admit you are going to be sad we all know that no matter how tough you think you are, graduation will be a very emotional time for all of us. We have all built very strong relationships with each other and it is hard to face the reality that staying such good friends will be easy. The problem with our little school is that there are so few of us that we all know everything about everyone which can cause problems but is also a good thing. It is a good thing because even though you might not be super close to someone you will still always care for your classmates because you know what they have gone through and have always been there for them. Even though there has been drama in our class, we all do love each other and hope the best for everyone's futures. Considering we only have one day left of school, I think we all need to think about the good times we have all had because those are the memories that will last a lifetime. Don't think about the problems you may have come across but rather the fun times with each classmate because after some time we will hardly remember these people and it is better to remember happy memories than negative memories. All good things must come to an end but in my opinion, this is just a chapter in our lives that is closing while another one is opening. I am going to miss all of you so much and I can't wait to see what life brings for all of us! Good luck :)

Pickleball

Today Cristi, Ali, and I are playing pickleball after school. We are planning to get lunch apparently but Cristi and I weren't aware of this until I just learned that we were. Pickleball is a very intense sport because I can get really heated in pickleball but overall it is a really fun game. I play every Sunday with my cousins and we play an eight game tournament. We rotate teams every game so we end up playing with everyone twice. This has been going for a good five weeks now. Anyways, back to today. I think Michale and Kaili are coming to play with us which is good because we will have more people to play with. Cristi thinks that she will be the best but I have no doubt I will kill her. Every time I go to Mt. Ogden there is a league going on and I hope one day when I get older I will still be playing pickleball in my spare time. If anyone ever wants to play just ask me and I will always want to go! You don't have to be good at all because it is just fun to get out and play. I am especially excited for this Sunday because I love playing with my cousins because they always make me laugh and keep the game entertaining. Everyone should try pickleball because you will have a good time I promise :)

Italia

I didn't know what to write about at first so I asked Isaac and he said to write about my summer plans. So here it is. This summer I really want to spend time with my high school friends because it may be the last time I see them for awhile as we all split our ways. I want to play a lot of pickleball because I love pickleball so much! It is my new favorite thing to do. I will also probably be attending my brother's basketball tournaments. He has one in Preston, Idaho and there is literally nothing in that town. But what I am most excited for this summer is my senior trip to Italy! My family, my grandparents, and my cousin are leaving to Italy on July 7th and coming back the 21st. My grandpa's parents grew up there and so we are going to see all of our ancestors and the town they lived in. I am so excited to go because it will be the first time I have ever gone out of the country. We first fly to New York and it takes about five hours to get there and then we have a three hour lay over to walk around, eat, and stretch. Then we are flying into Milan which is about a nine hour flight. Once we get there we are going to take a train to Trento, where my grandpa's family lives, and go see all the castles and to in the caves of Tesino. We also are going on a cruise around Italy's largest lake. We are going to go to the fountains and other stuff in this village as well. We will be there for about five days and then my dad is flying in to meet us because he only wants to go to the main attractions. We will then be going to Verona to see Romeo and Juliet's balcony and more castles there. The next day we are going to Venice and going to St. Mark's Basilica. After everything in Venice, the next day we are leaving to Florence to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Okay, I'm getting tired of listing the things we are going to do haha but the rest of the cities we will go to are Rome and Vatican City. There are a lot of things I left out but there are too many to remember. Point is that I am so excited and can't wait to leave!!

Yesterday and today have been the hardest days of my life. My dog, Cosmo, is dying and I don't want to face the fact that I might not be able to spend time with her again. Yesterday night when I got home, my mom told me that she had not moved all day and when she tried to stand up one time she just fell over. She is very weak and won't eat anything. Usually, she is very excited to see all of us but she has been acting very strange and has no strength. It breaks my heart to see her like this and I cried all night and all morning. I couldn't get any sleep knowing that that might have been the last time I have ever been with her. I woke up this morning and my mom told me my dad found her outside under a tree and had to carry her inside and put her on a blanket where she still was currently laying when I sat with her. She has never slept outside before and so I knew it couldn't be good. I got ready for school and then laid with her for about ten minutes before I had to leave to school. The entire drive, Masen and I could not stop crying. My parents took her to the vet this morning and I just got a text from my mom saying they are waiting for the test results. I pray that my best friend and the best dog I could have ever asked for will be okay. I love her so much. I would also just like to thank my friends for helping me today to get through this. I love you Cosmo and hope you will be alright. She has given me something to smile about everyday and loves me unconditionally. That is all I could ever ask for.

Babies

So I forgot to do my blog from when I was gone for golf and so I figured I would do it right now. I am currently sitting in the gym waiting for my brother to finish his basketball meeting. I am very confused to why they have a meeting in the spring but I guess it is okay because Mr. Wood brought Oliver so I am getting to hang out with this cute little baby. He is adorable and playing with him makes me want my own little kids to have and play with. Oliver was so happy this morning which was good because last time I had him he just cried. After awhile, he got tired of sitting in his carrier so I took him out and we walked around. He didn't cry so that was a bonus! He loved watching the other kids in the gym play with the ball. I definitely don't want kids right now by all means but I do want kids eventually. They are so cute and just make your heart melt inside. I really want one girl and one boy. I want a little girl because I want to do her hair and put bows in all the time. However, I am going to make my girl so tough and she will play sports and so will the boy. In the end, if they don't enjoy playing sports then I guess they don't have to. I have always loved little kids and have a lot of young cousins that I have to babysit. I love it and never get tired of it until they reach 5 or 6 years old and start back talking and get an attitude. I couldn't imagine having a baby right now and don't want one for a long time! Speaking of my little cousins, I am coloring Easter eggs tomorrow morning with five of them! Happy Easter everyone!!

So lately I have been really stressed out and just was thinking today that there is no reason to worry about the little things and let them bring you down. I have been stressed about school and college especially. There is so much to do in so little time. We only have like two more months and then we all go off our own ways. I know for me I am really going to miss my friends and mostly just always having them around. I really need to enjoy the time we have left because who knows what the future holds in store for us. I need to stop worrying about the negative things and thrive off all the positive people in my life. So I just want to say I am so happy to have all the friends I do and couldn't be anymore blessed. You all have given me the best high school years I could have asked for. Some of my friends I have had since I was little and some I have gotten really close to this year. I am ESPECIALLY thankful for Justin and Isaac because they have become some of my closest friends and I love them so much. They can make you laugh when you are having a bad day and can always put a smile on my face. I just want all of you reading this to think about the time you have left at St. Joe and make the most of it!!

March Madness!

For those of you who don't know, it is the beginning of March madness! March madness is a time when people who enjoy basketball or just enjoy making or even losing money have a blast. This month ESPN analysts believe there are going to be AT LEAST 60 million brackets being filled out. The madness of the basketball tournament is that on any given day any given team could win. It's all about the underdogs, the buzzer beaters, the upsets, and most of all, competing with your friends to win money. I recently watched a segment on sports center and it showed how people fill out their brackets. Some pick the top seeds to go all the way. Some pick all the teams that the school's colors are red to go all the way. Some pick their favorite schools regardless of talent. Some research every game and every statistics to make sure they make the right pick. Some even pick the teams that have birds as mascots to go all the way! Personally, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to get a perfect bracket but that's the beauty of the tournament. Everything is unexpected and you start cheering for your picks to do well even though two weeks ago you would have never thought about watching their games before. I can't wait for it to begin and am so excited because this Sunday is selection Sunday and then the tournament begins! Hopefully I can win some money this year because I usually lose!

So one of my good friends that I used to play softball and basketball with posted the following on twitter and I found it very relevant to what has happened to me recently in sports. I hope that this inspires some of you reading this and even if you do not play sports hopefully you can relate this to your own life in a way that helps you. This really helped me to change my perspective of things. I know it may seem very long but I think it is worth it.

Dear Coach Dena,

I’m writing to share with you some feelings I’ve been having since my season came to an end. I am hoping that you will have some insights or thoughts to pass along to me.

First, let me just give you some facts about my season so you get a general overview. We finished 18-6 in the regular season. We won our first game and lost in the semi-finals to the team who won comfortably in the finals. Our game against them was a close game.

What I’m basically feeling is a strong sense of disappointment and sadness.

Last year, I was upset that we had lost (in the first round of the playoffs), but I was able to look back on the season and I was happy about it. But this year it’s a different story. I've been left with that feeling of wanting more, thinking about what could have happened, or how it could have been different had we won that game.

Perhaps part of it is knowing that I'll never get the chance to play competitive basketball with some of my teammates ever again. Perhaps part of it is just missing spending time with the guys in the locker room, or out at team dinner. Either way, it’s been a tough pill to swallow for me. This year it just felt as if the dream and the goal of winning the State Championship had kind of slipped through our hands, and it was really just two games away…and the fact that I think this was our best shot, is maybe irrational, but something that makes it harder.

It's tough to really get it all out there on the page, but that's about the best I can do as far as explaining my thoughts for now. Any words would be greatly appreciated.

–Josh

 Hey Josh,

First off, congrats on a GREAT season. I say "great" not because of your record or how far you got (or didn't get) in the playoffs. The ‘congrats’ is because (based on your email and on what I know about who you are) you gave this basketball season, your team, your coaches, your school, and yourself the very best you had to give. I realize that may sound hollow to you in this moment, but one day, when your career is over, I promise you that this will be the one thing you will be most proud of, and it's what will give you the most peace about your career, no matter how many championships you win or don't win.

But for now, I can totally understand and relate to everything you have said. I've been there. More than once…

·         My senior year of high school, we lost in the game to go to "State" (a big deal in Texas because only 4 teams go). My goal since 6th grade was to win a state championship. I was devastated.

·         One of the main reasons I went to the University of Virginia was to win a national championship. My sophomore year of college, after being ranked #1 most of the season, we lost to Tennessee in overtime of the national championship game. Devastated again.

·         My junior year, again after being ranked #1 all season, we lost in DOUBLE OT of the national semi-finals to Stanford. Once again...devastated.

·         My senior year, after all the best players on our team had graduated and I had become the unquestioned team leader, we played as the underdog all year. We made it all the way to the Elite 8 and lost to Ohio State in the game to go back to the Final Four when my coach called time out just as I was releasing the game-winning 3-pointer. I hit nothing but net as the buzzer sounded, but it was waived off because the ref said my coach called the time out with .7 seconds on the clock. That was the way my college career ended. Devastated times a thousand.

Unless you're the team that wins the last game of the season, I have never been able to figure out how to feel anything *but* sadness and disappointment at the end of a season, at least for a while.

I think you just need to allow yourself time to grieve. The word "grieve" may sound crazy because I know it's not like anybody died or there was any great "tragedy." But you *have* suffered a profound loss. Your season (which you cared deeply about) is over; you will never play on this particular team (which you gave so much of yourself to for so many months) again; and you will never be high school teammates with some of those guys again (and those kinds of bonds are rare and special and hard to replicate in the "real world").

People who have never experienced those kinds of losses can never understand just how much all of that hurts. You gave yourself completely to something, and it didn't turn out like you wanted. And to make it even worse, now it's gone. Over. Done. That's hard and it hurts.

But (and this is the part you probably don't want to hear, but it's true so I'll say it anyway…) that's how life works. Everything passes. You'll eventually lose everything—your parents, your friends, your health, your pets, your youth, and, inevitably, your life. It's all gonna pass away, just like this season, and this team.

Which, to me, is all the more reason to give those things you love and care about everything you've got. It all goes by so fast, and the ONLY thing you're guaranteed is that it WILL, in fact, go by.

This can all be pretty depressing UNLESS you just accept it as reality (because it is), and THEN you can be freed up to focus all your energy and attention on giving every single moment of the rest of your career the very best you've got....which brings me back to my very first point in this email.

As the seasons go by, and as you experience the feelings of sadness and disappointment that you're experiencing now, and as you begin to get a clearer and clearer sense of the finite-ness (not sure if that's a word) of your career, your sense of urgency will grow exponentially. That's why seniors often play with such care and passion. It's why aging superstars are willing to take less money and less playing time to get on a team that has a chance to win a championship. You begin to realize what matters and what doesn't, and you begin to sense how precious an opportunity it is to get to be an athlete who's playing for something that matters with people who matter to you.

So my point is...everything you're feeling right now is appropriate and even good. Don't resist it. Be sad. Be disappointed…Until you're not anymore (and it will go away, I promise). And then, you will do what every great athlete and every great hero does...you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off, dream your next dream, and you'll go at it again...even though you know the risk and how much it will hurt when it's over. But really, that's the only way to fly in my opinion. Way more fun, exciting, meaningful, and fulfilling than living a life where you play small and never put your heart on the line for anything that matters to you.

And one last thing...while winning a championship *would* feel really sweet and could be incredibly rewarding, the truth is that even THAT feeling will pass after a few weeks or even days. And then you would STILL have to feel the sadness and disappointment of not playing with some of your teammates again and of not ever having this particular team together again. So don't fall into the trap of believing that winning a championship will make you not have to feel the pain of the ending of something you love. Granted, it would make it a lot easier and is the preferable way to end a season. But what's *more* important is always that you gave your best in every moment, regardless of whether or not you were fortunate enough to be on the team that won the last game of the season.

Those are my quick thoughts. I'm really glad you decided to write me. You're doing big things, even though you may be feeling like you came up short this season. These are important conversations and important life moments, and it's an honor to get to share them with you.

Stay in touch,

–Dena

The End I Didn't Want To Come

Last week my basketball career ended. We went to the state tournament and we were upset in the first round against Valley. I don't think I have ever been more upset in my entire life. I felt like I let the team down because I knew I could play so much better. I had an awful game but at least I know I played my hardest. That night after the game had ended around eight o'clock, I cried until at least ten thirty. I ran out of tears because I cried so much. I was completely torn apart and didn't even know what happened in the game. I am glad I had someone to cry with though (Ali). Ali and I just were so emotionally impacted by the game and this was by far one of the worst days of my life. I didn't sleep well because I could not stop thinking about how I played.

Even though things might not turn out the way you plan or wish for, I have learned you have to bounce back and not let one bad thing lead into many other bad things. No matter how bad things may seem, it only makes you grow stronger as a person. Even though I can't stop replaying the game in my head every chance I get, I will eventually realize that this game doesn't define all four seasons I have played. Sometimes in life bad things will happen but how you respond to those things will help develop your character. You might think why is this happening to me or what did I do to deserve this, but it happens to everyone and different things impact different people. I really didn't want basketball to end because I have had so much fun playing the sport I love. Everyday I wish I could go back in time and replay the first round game. I am very appreciative of those who I am close to to be able to support me and after the game help me keep my head up high. I was able to talk to many people that night and I am so lucky to call them my friends. Some people have been there for me since day one.
I have loved all my teammates, coaches, and my supportive friends along my journey of high school sports. Now I have to bounce back from basketball and move on to golf!

State!

This week we are at the state tournament and it did not go quite as expected. We lost our first game to Valley and I was so upset because I knew I could have played so much better. I felt like I let down the team and could have performed a lot better. What is in the past is in the past now and we have to move on. This is just one challenge in my life that may hurt a lot right now but in the long run will only make me stronger as a person. I don't think I have ever cried so much before in my life. I was happy to have Ali to cry with all night. It was probably one of the worst days of my life. On the bright side, we now have the opportunity to go out with our last game being a win. Most people end their careers with a loss unless they go on to win the state championship, NCAA championship, and so on. We have one more game to go tomorrow against Wayne at 12. I really want to win and play my heart out.
The only problem that I have right now is my finger is broken!!! Ali broke my finger in our game yesterday but even though it wasn't her fault, she was still the one who passed it to me! I am just going to blame her for it because she knows I love her. :) My knuckle is swollen and is huge. We tried popping it but it didn't work. Today's game was hard for me to play because the ball hurt every time I touched it. We will see how tomorrow goes but I am really excited and think it will be very difficult game for us! Hopefully my finger heals before golf!

Tonight is Senior Night!!!! I think Michale is doing my speech tonight and I am really excited but at the same time it is going to be very sad. There are going to be way to many tears for me to handle because I am not a very emotional person. I will most likely cry tonight because this year my team is really close to me and we are all really tight. This is by far the closest team I have had in my four years. The best thing that is going to happen tonight at my game is that Mr. Wood is going to cry for me! (maybe) :) Also, he promised me that I can hold Oliver tonight because I bought him two chocolate donuts. I hope we can get a lot of fans at the game too. It should be a really fun night.
We play Tintic tonight. Last time when we played them we only won by six points. I hate playing them because they aren't the nicest people. On Tuesday, we played at Wendover and it was their senior night. I have become really good friends with their team, especially Braids. They gave all of our seniors a ton of candy and a powerade. Then their team gave us even more candy! It was so nice of them and I hope our senior night is as good as theirs was.
Next week is state and I am so excited. The bus ride is super long but we always have a good time. Our team has formed an acapella group. We have become really talented when it comes to singing and I'm pretty sure our team knows all the songs ever made. I can't wait for state but yet I don't want basketball to be over! But on the bright side I still have golf!

2/6/15

This week we had two games on Tuesday and Thursday. Tuesday we played ICS and beat them by a lot. On Thursday, we played Dugway and I feel really bad for them because they have to play both JV and varsity because they don't have enough players for both teams. I don't think I would have good sportsmanship like they do because they have only won a couple games and usually are beat by at least 30 points. I think our team is looking pretty good but we need to get better before the state tournament in two weeks. I think it would be best for us to continue to scrimmage the boys JV team whenever they are available. It is good for us to practice against faster people that way we can learn to take care of the ball. My shot has been off lately so this weekend I am going to shoot a lot that way I am ready for our games against Wendover and Tintic.
 I am really excited for next week but at the same time it is really sad because Thursday is senior night. I am hoping I don't cry during senior night because we have to focus for our game because it is really important. I am mostly just excited to spend more time with my team because there is never a dull moment when I'm around them! We always are having a good time and mostly we all just have fun messing around with Kat. Sometimes I get mad at our juniors because they are EXTREMELY loud on the bus when I am trying to sleep, but when I don't sleep it is always a good time when they are around. We all have so much fun together and I am going to miss spending every day together with them. I can't wait for next week!